You guys it’s the last one, and I’m ever so pissed at it, because for the most part other then a few key snippets it blew my ass! So welcome to Shiggity’s last review for Lost season one! It was long, dangerous, many weapons were used, deaths occur, must like a year at a public high school. But now it’s all over and now we have to wait four months to find out what’s in the damned hut! After all this is better be something which causes slapping to occur, or I’m juts gonna be pissed.

After about an hour and a half of opening recaptions, because you know this is the last episode in the season so they have to go out with a bang. Basically its people have crashed on and island, some of them died, one of them had a baby, they found a hatch and made a fool raft. SEE HOW QUICK I DID IT!?!? Gawd….

Exodus PT II & III

We open with an eye close up shot, because we haven’t had one of those I like forever so here it is (I’m still wondering why Shannon, Kate and Charlie haven’t had their close up eyeshot yet) But it’s the baby. You know the no-name baby, because Claire is either to lazy, or high on Locke’s patented homemade glue to think of one.

Anyways the Cabbage Patch Kid is crying obviously because it’s mom is Claire, and she doesn’t know what the hell she’s doing. As she tells Charlie when he tells her they’d better hit the road to go hide at the caves, which is mysteriously closer to the black smoke of the barbeque…

She tells Charlie in tears that no one taught her how to do this (Take care of a baby), well I’d like to think no one taught her how to conceive a child step by step, but she had no problems doing that. You do the crime, you pay the time.

So Charlie’s answer is going over to Sayid and asking him for a gun, to ‘protect’ Claire. I hope he means ‘protect’ as in the sense of ‘put out of her misery’, I mean I know I’m gonna get hatemail and the village mob after me, but it’s worth it! Someone must speak the truth!

Charlie reminds Sayid that last time he had a gun he shot a murderer. No you shot Ethan! Ethan didn’t kill anyone! He was gentle, like a summer breeze, or a Cottonelle kitten, or a weapon of mass destruction. You beast Charlie!

Sayid says if Charlie really wants to protect Claire he should help her gather her things and take her child, no-name, to the caves. Charlie gets all angry and the sexual tension between them both grows.

Back to the pirate/slave/disco ship named ‘The Black Rock’, which I still have a few questions about like:
~ Why is it named ‘The Black Rock’ when it’s clearly made of wood and brown.
~ Why is it not decomposed yet. I mean the Titanic is UNDERwater and it sunk about 100 years ago and it’s decomposed more then this ship. There’s not even a missing plank other then where it’s been smashed in by strake raving mad Rousseau. I mean come on, it’s like ancient.

So anyways the ragtag group of heroes consisting of Jack our leading man, Kate our damsel in distress, Locke our island mystic, Hurley the comic relief, Danielle the crazy one for drama, and MWSTWOA the red shirt-I mean the high school teacher with more baggage then all the passengers on Oceanic flight 815 combined. Wait a minute, this isn’t Lost, it’s an elfish RPG!!!!

So anyways their all still gawking over the Black Rock, when Kate suddenly bursts out, “OMG YOU GUYS IT’S A BOAT!!!” So then they all make their way forward, all except Rousseau, because it’s crazy backwards day and she has to leave.

Jack asks her where she’s going and she said he only paid for the hour. So she leaves and Locke promises to take them back. Oh yeah let the old guy who’s most likely to have Alzheimers take them back. 10-1 we see new footage of island scenery we’ve never seen before.

MWSTWOA cops out and says he doesn’t wanna go in any Disneyland haunted ship and that he’s staying outside where he knows the monster is. Hurley also agrees that he’ll stay outside because someone has to keep MWSTWOA company in his last hours of life.

Kate puts her hair up because she doesn’t want any spider webs or dynamite sticks getting stuck in it and then they go through the little tiny hole into the boat. It only takes a few seconds before Jack steps on a skeleton bone that’s pretty much picked clean. I mean why haven’t the animals rooted around in here more? Can they sense the dynamite? It also bring up the question, why doesn’t the rickety, mausoleum ship stink? Because if it does none of them are reacting to it.

The skeleton is like shackled to the wall, and someone calls out, “It was a slave ship.” Way to go eagle-eye! I thought it was the best damn roller disco on all the seven seas. They look at some of the shackles that are hanging up and Kate seems to have a reaction which I hope to God is from prison and not from something else in which shackles are used….

Then was they all walk around in search of the dynamite that the slave traders have on their ship for some reason, Kate finds it and calls a group meeting to gawk at the box.

Outside MWSTWOA is bitching about how all his wives let him. Stating that the third one left because ‘she didn’t sign up for this.’ He finishes by asking WTF that means. I think it means she didn’t know you were a crazy before she married you. Hurley isn’t paying attention, which hurts MWSTWOA even more. He says just because he isn’t part of the clique that he’s still not important. Hurley’s like “WTF?” which provokes MWSTWOA to elaborate even further.

Back inside the roller disco ship, Kate comes up with the grade A idea of opening the crate of explosives with a pick ax. No Kate, wait! Use my lighter and just burn the box open!

Jack is like “NO!” and he tops the pick ax by stating a protest, almost the equivalent of chaining himself to the box. He tells her that he’s not letting her open a box that says ‘Explosives’ on it with a pick ax. And that Sawyer is better suited for that idea.

Kate looks hurt (I’m sorry that we couldn’t let you blow yourself up today) and goes to help Locke carry the box. Jack is like “No I got it,” and Kate gets even madder. He asks her politely if she can guide them back out of the boat. If I were her I’d get lost purposely as much as I could and be like “I’m sorry, I guess I just can’t do anything….bastard!” and run away and find a door somewhere to slam.

We go back outside where MWSTWOA is telling Hurley that not just the kids are mean to him, that the certain groups of teachers won’t let him sit with them either. Hurley says that it’s all in his head and MWSTWOA is like, “Oh really then why does the Korean guy only catch fish for certain people?” probably because he doesn’t know who the hell you are, maybe if you were more social, “And why does Kate get the best pieces of the wreckage for her shelter?” Maybe because Kate used to be a criminal and everyone feels that the more stuff she has around her, the more likely it’s going to remind her of jail. Maybe if you weren’t so law abiding…

He also points out that some of them have lost weight since having crashed on the island (Umm buddy from your flashbacks I think you’ve gained weight) and once again me and Lizzie pause and wonder how the hell he can get so dirty.

Well Kate done a darn good job there letting them boys outta the ship because she made it back in record time. Anyways as soon as MWSTWOA sees them carrying the explosive things, he looses his crap and is like WTF YOU GUYS! He tells them to put it down and get away from it because he’s in charge now!

So he asks them if they know what happens to dynamite in hot weather and none of them seem to have an answer. Locke looks pissed off and Jack looks like the kid at the front of the class who always has the answer but then when he doesn’t looks whipped.

MWSTWOA continues to say that it sweats nitroglycerin. HEY! That is like directly stolen from The Stand, when Harold’s all “I gunna go and blow them all dun up!” And then he totally does!

Anyways he tells Kate to give him her shirt and she looks at him like “bitch you serious?” or “I’m not gonna fall for that again.” Anyways the look is totally priceless. He tells her “No princess,” which makes me laugh for hours on end. Thank you MWSTWOA I hope you live a long and prosperous life.

Anyways he takes her shirt and dips it in the mud caused by the last rain that lasted five minutes and happened only in the jungle. And he wraps it around the dynamite. He tells them to be very careful with it and that dynamite is very temprimen—

And that’s all she wrote for MWSTWOA because he was blown to pieces. Now the survivors who should have been more injured by the explosion lie on the ground which pieces of MWSTWOA hailing down on them.

RIP MWSTWOA, we miss you and your bitchy-conspiring attitude (But you told it like it was buddy and for that they canned your ass
ETHAN!!! DAMN YOU CHARLIE!
MWSTWOA DAMN YOU DYNAMITE!
STEVE (OR SCOTT) (I’M NOT REALLY SURE) WAY TO GO ETHAN!
BOONE THANK YOU BEECHNUT CHEWING GUM PLANE!
Joanna DAMN YOU BOONE!
Marshal Prickhole YOU’RE MY HERO JACK!!!
Pilot No-Name Way to go Smokey the monster

This has been Shiggity’s reception of all the deaths.

~*Flashback*~

Sun and Jin are in the cafetorium again. Sun cuts his sandwich and give it to him and then accidentally spills his boiling hot coffee on him. She apologizes a lot, and he is all like “No seriously, I didn’t need the nipple” and she points him to the bathroom and away he goes.

Sayid is walking with an entourage of police officers through the airport. They apologize and tell him that he did leave his bag unattended. He’s all “Yeah well I left my child unattended too, you wanna check him too?” He asks if he’s free to go, and they say yes, so he bolts it away from them, and rightfully so.

Next is Jin in the bathroom. A guy is like, “Can you pass me some paper towel Buddy,” and once again I think we’re going to find out that Jin speaks English because Jin should be like, “Get your own MOFO towels!”

But alas no, he doesn’t say anything and the guy goes, oh you don’t speak English, sorry. Then he goes and gets them himself, and begins to speak Korean, telling him that Mr. Paik knew he was going to run away and that if he does he’ll loose her because he’s not free and he never will be. Jeez all this over not giving him paper towels. What a terd.

Back on the fool raft, everyone is looking out at the honking island they’re escaping from and wondering why no one has found it. And might I say that Sawyer’s hair in this is hilarious that I didn’t catch anything they were saying because I was too busy laughing at his hair.

Sun is looking out to the ocean and playing with her wedding ring like those cocaine addicted rats twitch in those educational films. Behind her Shannon is struggling with her baggage, both literally and metaphorically. She has four bags plus Vincent who is trying his hardest to make a break for it.

What I don’t understand is why she doesn’t put some of her like bags, on top of the one she’s dragging through the sand. But then again, with her failing about like that, it reminds me of when I walk home from school.

Sayid comes over and asks her what her major malfunction is and why she needs to take all this stuff to the caves. Most of it is Boone’s as we find out and out and she says she can’t just leave it there. She explains that all of this, the others and all is too much.

Sayid says it won’t be to much if he helps her carry it, and does the mandatory face touch and helps her pick up some of her crap.

Back at the Black Rock, Hurley’s taking MWSTWOA’s death pretty hard. Kate sits next to him and he explains that he’s sorta bad luck and the MWSTWOA exploded because of him. She says it was no ones fault, juts like when a certain childhood friend won’t get out of his car so you can drive away and you end up killing him. No ones fault at all.

Jack and Locke have apparently told Hurley and Kate to stay away from the dynamite because MWSTWOA is dead and cannot. So Locke reminisces about playing Operation when he was little, God all he did was play bored games. So as he’s picking up a piece of dynamite it’s all serious and then he goes “Bzzzz.” Which both scares Jack crapless and pisses him off.

I tell him to kick his ass sea bass, But alas characters when filmed prior cannot hear you frantically yelling at the television, as I have come to find out frequently through the run of this season.

Jack gets angry and you can see kindling being added to the metaphorical Jack VS Locke fire.

Back at the beach Claire’s kid looks miserable, as one should, when being Claire’s kid. Charlie comes and shows her some device he made out of a towel and then shows her how it will help her carry no-name to the caves. She says thanks with a peck to the cheek and everything is lovely dovey until Rousseau comes screaming her guts out that she needs Sayid. HA you Charlie and Claire shippers will get nothing until us Jack and Kate shippers get at least something to go one. I mean come on!

So while the Charlie + Claire shippers are smashing their faces off the nearest object available, Rousseau is frantically calling for Sayid who Charlie goes and gets. Then she starts to talk to Claire, asking her what her baby’s name is. Its name is no-name!

Rousseau asks if she can hold the baby and Claire thinks up reasons on why she cannot, until she sees the scratches along Rousseau’s arms. She asks why she scratched her and then the scary music plays with flashbacks to support the accusation.

~*Flashback*~

Charlie’s throwing stuff around his hotel room looking for something (the hashish) and then he rips off the cover of the bed where a drunken party favor lies. She quickly asks him what he’s doing and he says he has to catch a plane, but he’ll call her the next time that he’s in Sydney and send her an autographed CD.

She says she isn’t a fan and that she wants a fix. Charlie said that in the bar last night she said she was a fin. To this she replies “Yes I love Drive-thru” which makes my mom laugh for decades.

So anyways they start fighting over the smack because he’s found it and hidden it in his hand. It’s much like something from Pamela Andersons and Tommy Lee’s sex tape (I’d assume)

Back on the isle, Charlie is running up to Sayid and tells him that Rousseau desperately needs him. Sayid asks what for and then you hear some one scream. At this time I’d like to thank all the girls in Lost for their glorious wind pipes because they can all scream like banshees.

Sayid and Charlie run back to the beach where Sun is holding a cloth to Claire’s head. Rousseau konked her and took the baby. And Charlie gets angry. He gets mad and punches Sayid. Sayid tells him not to hit him again because they are wasting precious time.

Back at the dynamite disco inferno boat, Locke and Jack are wrapping up the dynamite and it is agreed that two sets of three dynamite will be taken by two selected people. At this point Kate and Jack both want to carry the next pack of dynamite (because Locke is already carrying one). I have no idea why Kate wants to take one, redemption perhaps I dunno the girl is screwed up. But anyways Locke is like OH STFU and just draw sticks for it already! I’m so tired of this (As we all are)

Jack asks Hurley if he wants some dynamite too and I’m thinking that right now Hurley should be the only one carrying dynamite because the curse gives him good luck and everyone else bad luck, so how can the dynamite kill him and be good luck? This is also the point where Hurley tells jack that he has some MWSTWOA on him. Yummy.

So Locke got the sticks and Kate and Locke won, which pisses off Jack even more, and yet he hasn’t SLAPPED ANYONE YET!

Back on the fool raft, Sawyer is looking more and more like my Grandmother. He has his hair up and his little old lady reading glasses on. And he’s reading all the notes that everyone wrote to their loved ones. Walt tells him that he shouldn’t be doing this, and then we get to see the premier of the new question’s game. It’s called ‘Why’.

The rules are simple. Whenever Sawyer answers a question, Walt asks him why to get the next question answered. It pisses him off and I laugh.

Back on the island Sayid and Charlie are running to the gun case because apparently everyone knows where it’s hidden and Jack has just wasted valuable time when he could’ve been topless hiding it.

Claire says she’s going to and all the audience goes *headesk* Seriously, ladies of the island, stop revolting. Just shut your mouths up! The days will pass quicker!

She’s talked out of it, but she tells Charlie to bring Aaron back. Honestly? I liked No-Name better.

~*Flashback*~

Michael and Walt are sitting waiting for the plane. Michael asks if Walt is hunger and Walt continues to play his Gameboy Mega XLSP U WMD and ignore his dad. Miuchael says he has to place a phone call to work and we all know that that’s juts a plain lie.

So he goes over and probably pays his weight in gold to phone America from Australia, to talk to his mom and tell her that he can’t take care of Walt and starts listing all the things that will get in the way of his life. Meanwhile a man who looks a lot like Locke is wheeled by in a wheelchair (Yes I know it’s him) and then Michael asks his mom to take Walt which she won’t. He slams the phone down and turns around to find Walt staring at him.

Walt says he needs new batteries, Jeez the kid isn’t even in America yet and he’s costing you.

Back on the fool raft, Michael and Walt bond by him teaching Walt how to drive the boat and Walt screwing it up. The rudder (recently name MVPOB (most valuable part of the boat) falls off into the water and while everyone is BFing over what to do, Sawyer strips down (because he has to fill the half nudity required for each episode) and then dolphin jumps in and rescues the rudder.

Michael says he just saved all their asses and hand Sawyer his shirt, but he finds the gun and is all bitchy to him. Poor Granny Sawyer, you can’t catch a break because everyone hates you.

Back by the leftover confetti of MWSTWOA, Jack is slowly slipping on Kate’s backpack because it has the dynamite in it. No it seriously does. And you know there’s some sexual tension, but then again who the hell on the island doesn’t have sexual tension between them? Anyways I’m juts saying that the process was long and drawn out.

Jack tells them that they’re gonna walk with him at the front, then Kate, then Hurley, then Locke. Heh he put them in order of who he likes the most to who he likes the least. He tells Locke that if he sees him taking a wrong turn to speak up. Locke says they should be staggered in case one of the dynamites goes off.

Jack says that if they hear the monster or whatever to rip their backpacks of and punch it.

So they start the long and I’m sure will be drawn out walking to the hatch.

Back at the caves of doom, Sun is basically dragging Claire along. And for someone who didn’t even like her kid, she’d pretty down…either that or she’s coming off Locke’s glue high.

Shannon sits down and ponders things out while Vincent begins to try and chew through his collar in order to get away from her. Sun comes over and sits besides her and they have the conversation about if they were all brought to the island for a certain reason.

Shannon asks what reason and Sun says for the things we did and the lies we told befo (before) <- OMG she is just adorable!

Anyways Sun says that fate brought them there, and Claire interrupts saying that there is no such thing as fate. Man you’re just a downer aren’t you? If I was Kate I’d be pissed off that I was left out of the girl talk, because you know they totally played truth and dare after the scenes changed.

Back to the Amazing race, where team Sayid/Charlie is pulling up the rear. It seems that they are going down the exact same path that the ragtag team of detonators went down previously.

They see the smoke from Arby’s, but it still looks equally far away. And they go instantly from like the Canadian Shield to the Amazon Rainforests. Sayid says that Charlie needs a break so he takes him to the heroin plan with all the little hail Mary dolls that are filled up with 10 bags of heroin each. See! Now he’ll get the heroin party started!

Hey I think I solved the monster problem. Everyone keeps breaking these little hail Mary things with the heroin inside it right? Well when it rains the heroin melts and goes into the river, and the river ends back at the caves. So then all the drinking water is spiked like a volleyball. So the monster is delusional. There. Shiggity wins, you can stop watching the show now.

Back to the detonators, who are totally walking the wrong way because I do not remember any waterfall. Hurley asks Locke what he thinks is inside the hatch, Locke repeats the question to Hurley who replies, “TV dinners, TV’s, new socks, soap, Twinkies, etc” And then he asks Locke what he thinks is in there and Locke replies “hope.” So basically Hurley you’re right.

Then they have to go down a friggin’ hill. Which they totally didn’t have to climb. But anyways I’m waiting for one of them to fall and just take out the rest but alas no. Then a pterodactyl from the trees screeches and flies away. No seriously that bird was huge. If they tamed it they could fly back to land.

And Jack’s like “Oh Crap, we’re in the lost world!” So then everyone is all jumpity, and there’s like more jungle sounds and everything. So Jack and Kate look around and they see this smoky cloud like whiz through the jungle.

Jack’s like “WTF?” and Kate’s like “Yeah WTF I saw it too.”

And everything goes amazingly quiet and then the fanfare of the monster comes and everyone runs. Jack and Locke both put their backpacks down but Kate keeps hers on. Because you know it was only elaborated on how serious it was to put down your backpack if you were to run.

Everyone runs except Locke who’s like watching the monster who we still don’t see. Then a tree is ripped out from like three feet away from him and Jack is like “Dammit Locke run you bastard!” Locke falls and looks like he’s about to crap his pants.

Kate and Hurley are still running then a light bulb goes on and Kate’s like “Hey there was two more of us before!” So she turns around to go back for Jack, and we all get this titanic-eque feel.

Well the monster’s got Locke’s foot now, and dragging him down the floor of the jungle so fast that I’m sure he’s got jungle rash. And Jack is running after him and then dives to grab Locke’s hand.

Locke is pulled into a hole, and Jack’s got him by the arms with his legs bracing against the hole so that Locke’s face is directly equal with Jack’s crotch to which I yell “DAMN YOU LOCKE! DAMN YOU TO HELL!”

Kate comes by and Jack tells her to throw in a dynamite, she nods and goes to open her bag which she still has on her back, and Jack says no their in my bag. To which he receives a glare of death from Kate, to which he replies “JUST GO GET MY BAG!”

She comes back and pulls out a stick on dynamite and he tells her to throw it in. Locke tells Jack just to drop him and Kate says she doesn’t want to throw it in because it’ll blow them all up. Jack is like “STFU ALL OF YOU! JUST THROW IT IN!” So Kate yells some kinda Xena shrill and tosses it in.

Then Smokey the monster comes out of the whole, does his shifting in to second gear sound, and like disappears. It reminds me of the bad thing from House on Haunted Hill who’s all “You can’t go now, you’ll miss my big premier!” and chases them all up the stairs.

Kate and Jack both help pull Locke out of the hole which consists of so much ass grabbing that it would make that guy in Night at the Roxbury jealous.

It’s nearing darkness on the fool raft and Jin has attached the rudder again. Michael talks about the book Sun made him and now Jin can say “starboard, port, sail, eat”, Michael tosses him his watch and says that it’s his. Jin goes over to Michael and gives him the watch. It’s a very touching scene. WHERES THE BLOOD AND THE SLAPPING!?!?

Back at the self-pitying caves, Claire is sitting moping by herself. Sun comes over and offers her some tea, which she first declines then accepts. Sun asks what Aaron means and Claire says she doesn’t know.

Then Sun says “Charlie will bring your baby back,” This is where I yell out “ribs!!” and Claire asks how Sun knows that. Sun says because Charlie said he would.

Back with the baby finders, Charlie sees something that looks like a fake baby that is neither gurgling nor moving so he decides that it is in fact Aaron. Sayid shouts No and Charlie grabs it and a whole load of rocks falls on him, slicing his face. Uh oh they hit a road block.

Sayid tells him that it’s deep and that he has to go back, Charlie says he’s not going anywhere without the baby, and says that Sayid was a soldier so he should be able to fix it.

Sayid takes out one of the bullets from the gun, cracks it open and takes the gun powder out of it and pours it in Charlie’s wound. He then tells him that this will hurt and lights a match and throws it in. Lighting Charlie’s face on fire making him the island equivalent of two-face. Man that was one hell of a detour.

~*Flashback*~

Hurley’s snoring in his hotel bed, and this is where all the numbers come into play, are you goes ready? So here we go.

He wakes up to find that his alarm clock didn’t go off at all because it was a bit unplugged, so he puts his ass in gear to go catch his plane. He runs to the elevator to find that it’s packed full so he just takes the stairs instead. Charlie yells out from the elevator that some of them have a plane to catch.

So he hikes it out the door and into his car, which runs out of gas and the gages read ’16, 23,42’ so he stops like right in front of the airport so he just runs to the airport.

Next he’s in line at the check in place (Sorry I’ve been to an airport once and I was just making fun of the whole thing so I really didn’t pay attention)

The woman takes his passport and then slowly type the information into the computer which consists of that the departure time of the plane is 14:15 (2:15) to those people with 12 hour clocks. And that it’s supposed to arrive at LAX at 10:42. (15 and 42)

She says that Hurley’s going to have to by another seat because of his weight. He said he didn’t need to on the way up here and she asks if she’s going to need to eight him. He juts tells her that he’ll by the seat next to him. And that he needs to get home for his mom’s birthday.

He frantically runs through the entire airport with gates 14-23 where his plane is leaving. He runs by a soccer team or something and their jerseys are 4,8,15,16,23,42 and then he borrows this mans scooter for 1600 bucks.

Him in the scooter reminded me of doctor Evil. Anyways he makes it to his gate (23?) Justas they’re closing it. He tells the lady to please let him on, and pushes his ticket through himself. She calls in to the pilot who lets him board, telling him it’s his lucky day.

He gives her a big sweaty bear hug and then boards the plane.

Back on the island it’s dark and all the detonators have their survivor tiki torches lit and placed closely to their dynamite filled bags. Hurley and Kate have fallen way behind jack and Locke who are probably bitching. Anyways Hurley keeps repeating the numbers and Kate asks if he said something.

He says no and she said she thought she heard the number 23. He asks if that number means anything to her, and she says that the farmer who turned her in did it for a 23,000 dollar reward! HA! Didn’t I say that? I said that! HA! HA!

She asks if it means anything to Hurley like she’s gonna start a fight or something and he says no that it’s just a number.

Next we go over to Locke and Jack who are bitching (Ha another point!) about why Jack didn’t let him go. Jack wants to know what the hell is going on in Locke’s head, and Locke explains that Boone was a sacrifice the island claimed and that the island brought them all here for a reason and that it was destiny. Jack says that he doesn’t believe in destiny and Locke says he will. The Locke says he’s a man of faith and Jack is a man of science which is why they don’t see eye to eye all the time. All the while their Survivor tiki torches are like inches away from their explosive backpacks.

Back on the boat Sawyer compliments Michael on his patience because he’s seen the way Walt talks to him and if he were his dad he would’ve shown him the back of his hand a long time ago. Michael asks if Sawyer’s father hit him, and Sawyer says that his dad didn’t have a chance to because he died when Sawyer was 8 *cough* *cough* RECAPTIONS *cough*

Michael asks if that’s why he wants to die, because there’s only two reasons a Sawyer would get on the boat, to be a hero or to die. Sawyer says that he’s no hero. This convo takes place while their checking the radar then suddenly there’s a beep.

~*Flashback*~

Locke is waiting to get on the plane and then the guy says that they can’t find the special wheelchair. He asks if they can just carry him in and Locke says that’ll do pig. So they carry him in and he drops something on the ground juts so we can see that he’s seriously paralyzed.

The detonating crew seems to have caught up to each other. Hurley gets the job of taking the extra dynamite out into the forest. He asks for a flashlight because the fire and dynamite juts aren’t making sense to him (THANK YOU!) so Jack gives him his flashlight and Hurley goes.

Locke gives Kate the job of running the wire, and he and Jack ready the dynamite.

Back on the other half of the island, Charlie and Sayid make it to the black smoke, and find that there’s no barbeque and there’s no footprints or anyone there. Suddenly Aaron cries from the woods and Sayid tells Danielle to come out. She does and she tells him that she thought if she gave them this baby they would give her precious Alex back. But they were already gone.

Sayid takes the baby from her and gives it to Charlie who works on verbally abusing her because she’s crazy. She says she really did hear them and that they were coming for the boy. OH NO! WALT! Oh wait who cares?....

Locke and Jack are finishing up wiring the thing and Kate has ran the fuse as far as it would go. Locke tells them to take cover and he’ll set it off.

Jack and Kate go in the bushes and she starts getting on his case about carrying the dynamite and how she was supposed to do it because she won at straws (OMG RECAPPING FROM THE SAME DAMN EPISODE!) and he says he wasn’t going to let something as serious as this to be decided by straws.

But then he goes on to say that of they survive that night that they’re going to have a Locke problem and that he needs to know she’s got his back. She replies very seductively that she has his back and I break everything in site.

Locke calls out Hurley who tells him he’s coming, he waddles over the hatch but drops the flashlight that lands right on the numbers. He tells them that they can’t do this and that the numbers are bad!

Locke lights the fuse anyways and Hurley tries to put it out, and Jack is like Hurley get down so he tackles him juts as the hatch explodes.

Back on the fool raft the fools are trying to decide what to do since they only have one flare (something else I forgot to mention) Everyone is telling Michael to fire it because the boat is moving away and he’s like “Oh fine” so he fires it and the boat starts to move towards them.

A boat comes and turns on a spotlight and a guy asks them what they’re doing out here so far. This guy smells like Locke’s mom: ain’t right. So anyways he tells them all about the plane crash and everything and the guy says wow that’s great but we have to take the boy and Michael’s like WTF?

They say to give Walt over and the fools won’t so they turn out the spotlight. Sawyer moves to shoot one of them, but he gets shot in the process! Yes my theory works
you see, whenever one of the 6 main characters (Jack, Kate, Sayid, Charlie, Locke, and Sawyer) get a physical wound, whenever it heals they need another one see so it’s Kate’s turn next season because she’s long over due.
~Jack gave blood to Boone and was all weak and everything
~ Locke got ‘shot’ by Shannon
~ Sayid got punched by Charlie
~ Charlie got rocked in the face
~ Sawyer just got shot
~ So Kate really needs to be beaten. Because her last wound was from the boar hunt thing

So anyways Jin jumps in after Sawyer. Michael gets pushed off and Walt gets taken. While screaming. They also blow up the fool raft. SEE I TOLD YOU THEY HAD SOMETHING AGAINST FOOL RAFTS!

Back on the island it’s time for the 1 hour ending collage of everyone with sad music playing over the pictures. Claire gets Aaron back and hugs Charlie while smothering the baby. She also notices his wound, but not the hail Mary figure sticking out of his bag.

Shannon football tackles Sayid because she didn’t see him come back.

Then we have a

~^*GROUP FLASHBACK!*^~

Everyone getting on the plane. Kate with her pensive face. Sawyer strutting down the island. Jack placing his items into an overhead compartment and then smiling at Locke. Charlie pushing his guitar into one of the compartments. Sayid sitting down and getting the dirty eye from some guy staring at him. Jin looking at the watch, Sun reading a magazine. Walt playing his Gameboy and Michael buckling him in. Marshal Prickhole pestering Kate. Sayid looking at a picture of Nadia. Shannon rifling through her thinks and Boone calmly giving her, her inhaler. She smiles at him but he’s like Whore. Sweaty Hurley arrives on last and sits and read the Spanish comic with the polar bear in it (because you know it belonged to the only Hispanic person on the plane) He smiles at Walt who smiles back. MWSTWOA helps Claire with her overhead compartment packages.

Then we go to the island, where the hatch has literally blown it’s lid. Jack and Locke look inside, then at each other then inside again and we see there are steps but only 5 or 6 then they’re broken, and it seems to go down forever.

And 10-1 they push Kate down because she needs to get hurt.

My Rating?...



One for Sawyer’s funny Granny look
One for all the funny lines (ha Princess)
Half of one because I was right that the others have something against fool rafts, lost half for all the recapping.
And lost one BECAUSE THERE’S STILL TO MANY DAMN SECRETS! WTF IS THE HATCH? WHO THE ARE THE OTHER’S! WHERE DID SMOKEY THE MONSTER GO!

Next on Lost?...

WE HAVE TO WAIT FOUR MONTHS! OMG I’LL NEVER MAKE IT! AND EVEN IF YOU BUY THE DVD OF THE FIRST SEASON IT COMES OUT ON SEPTEMBER 6TH THAT’S STILL 4 MONTHS!

So….

until then

Abby’s in hibernation.

Love,
Peace,
&
Chicken Grease